What Ever Happened To Walter Meeney?
by S. Wilhelmina Feenster
Summary: Find out the true story of Shirley's marriage to Walter Meeney.


What Ever Happened To Walter Meeney?

What Ever Happened To Walter Meeney?

Written by: [ S. Wilhelmina Feenster][1]

Scene 1 

INT. LAVERNE'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

SETTING: A COUPLE OF MONTHS AFTER SHIRLEY LEFT WITH WALTER.

FADE IN

Laverne is fast asleep on her homemade waterbed made from an airmatress and a child size pool. The phone rings and Laverne answers it.

Laverne: (yawns; wipes sleep from her eyes) Hello?

Shirley: Hi, Laverne!

Laverne: Is this Squiggy again?

Shirley: No! It's Shirley!

Laverne: Well, you don't have to shout, Shirl. Why are you up so late?

Shirley: Late? It's only... one o'clock.

Laverne: That's late to, Shirl.

Shirley: Huh? It's lunchtime.

Laverne: No, it's sleeptime. Where are you?

Shirley: London.

Laverne: Wait a minute. Did you just say London?

Shirley: Yes...oh, dear. I forgot about the time difference.

Laverne: Well...

Shirley: I'm sorry, Laverne. I won't keep you awake any longer.

Laverne: Why did you call?

Shirley: Oh, yes. I'm coming home tomorrow at noon. I have a surprise for you.

Laverne: That's great.

Shirley: Goodnight, Laverne.

Laverne: Goodnight, Shirley.

FADE OUT

************************************************

Scene 2 

INT. LAVERNE'S APARTMENT - DAY

LAVERNE IS DRESSED IN HER CLEANING CLOTHES AND APRON. SHE IS CLEANING INSIDE AND BEHIND THE COUCH.

Laverne: (wiping hr forhead) This is digusting work.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTER

Squiggy: Hell-o!

Laverne: Hi, boys.

Squiggy: Did you hear that, Lenny? She said, "Hi, boys," not get out, get lost...etc.

Lenny: Iwouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my two ears.

Squiggy: That's true.

Laverne: What do you want?

Squiggy: That's what I like about you, Laverne. Straight to the point. Well... (claps) I have this friend.

Lenny: It's not me, Laverne. I am his friend though. Am I, squiggy?

Squiggy: Yes.

Laverne: Get to the point.

Squiggy: You see, my friend is auditioning for a great part in this t.v. show. It's about two girls from who-knows-where, who try to survive off beer. My "friend" will play a loyal and trust worthy boyfriend to one of the girls.

Lenny: I think the short stubby one.

CARMINE ENTERS

Carmine: Hi, Laverne. Do you want me to fix the sink?

Laverne: No, it's not broken. What are you doing back so early?

Squiggy: Uh, Carmine. Can we pick your head for a momment?

Laverne: (disgusted) Outside, boys.

THE BOYS EXIT AND LAVERNE CONTINUES TO CLEAN.

************************************************

Scene 3

EXT. LAVERNE'S APARTMENT - DAY

SHIRLEY STEPS OUT OF THE TAXI AND HEADS FOR THE BUILDING. 

INT. LAVERNE'S APARTMENT - DAY

THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR AND LAVERNE ANSWERS.

Shirley: Hey, Laverne!

Laverne: Welcome home, Shirl! (hugs Shirley) Uh, is Walter out in the car?

Shirley: Well, Laverne, that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

Laverne: Come in.

SHIRLEY COMES IN AND SITS ON THE COUCH. LAVERNE DOES THE SAME.

Shirley: You see, Laverne, Walt...

RHONDA ENTERS

Rhonda: Hi-ho, neighbor! I just...(notices Shirley on couch) Oh, Shirley, you're back.

Shirley: Nice to see you again, Rhonda.

Rhonda: Of course, yes, uh, Laverne, do you have any... (whispers in Laverne's ear) Yes, Rhonda. They're upstairs and to your right.

RHONDA EXITS UPSTAIRS.

Laverne: So, how've you been?

Shirley: Well, you know, I'm 5 months pregnant. I feel like a blimp.

Laverne: Do you still have those strange cravings? Like for peanut butter and sour krout sandwiches?

Shirley: I do, but nevermind about me. I have something I need to tell you.

Laverne: What?

Shirley: Laverne...

THE DOOR BELL RINGS. LAVERNE GETS UP TO ANSWER IT. A TALL MAN, DRESSED IN A BLACK COAT, BLACK PANTS, AND A BLACK HAT COMES IN. HE'S WEARING DARK SUNGLASSES.

Laverne: Hi. You must be Walter.

Shirley: Hi, sweetheart. Laverne, this is the big surprise I was going to tell you.

Laverne: I see you're not bandaged up.

LAVERNE HITS HIM ON THE BACK CAUSING HIM TO LOSE BALANCE AND FALL ONTO THE FLOOR.

Rhonda: Laverne, did you receive another chain letter again?

Laverne: Don't start with that again, Rhonda.

RHONDA EXITS OUT BACK DOOR.

Laverne: (TO WALTER) If you don't mind, why do you wear a dark hat? I can't see your face.

Shirley: I'll get to that, Laverne. (BEAT) You see, Walter's been stationed here. I'll be rooming with you till Walter gets us a home.

Laverne: Is that it? I thought you were going to reveal Walter's face.

Shirley: Walter's very shy now.

Laverne: A shy army man?

SHIRLEY WALKS OVER TO WALTER AND HE WHISPERS IN HER EAR. SHIRLEY NODS AND WALTER EXITS OUT THE DOOR.

Shirley: Isn't he wonderful?

Laverne: He's very quiet, shirl.

Shirley: I told you, Laverne. He's shy.

Laverne: I heard that song already, Shirl.

Shirley: Well, I have to tell you what happened. The whole reason for my visit.

Laverne: Okay, tell me.

Shirley: Well, do you remember when we planned my wedding in two days?

Laverne: How could I forget? My hand was sore for a week and I had bruises from fainting.

Shirley: Well, anyways, after my wedding shower, I got a call from Walter telling me to go to the army base...

************************************************

Scene 4

EXT. ARMY BASE - DAY

SHIRLEY'S IN THE CLINIC WAITING TO HEAR ABOUT WALTER.

Army Medic: Excuse me, are you Shirley Meeney?

Shirley: Yes. How's Walter?

Army Medic: Not so good. He's under perminent Quarentine for now.

Shirley: That's terrible! I'm supposed to marry him in two days.

Army Medic: Sorry, mam. We did all we could. It could be years before Walter can be cured.

Shirley: There goes my three-level split colonial.

Army Medic: We're shipping him to Greenland so that he will stay preserved. This is one serious and fatal rash. We can't take any risks.

SHIRLEY DRIVES BACK TO THE APARTMENT. WHEN SHE GETS THERE, CARMINE IS WAITING WITH FLOWERS. PRETENDING SHE'S STILL ENGAGED, SHIRLEY GENTLY TELLS CARMINE THE NEWS. CARMINE INFORMS SHIRLEY OF HIS LOVE FOR ANOTHER GIRL. SHIRLEY IS ENRAGED BY THE NEWS, BUT THEN SPRINGS BACK WITH CHEER.

LATER THAT DAY

CARMINIE RETURNS AND TELLS SHIRLEY SOME BAD NEWS. HIS GIRLFRIEND LEFT HIM FOR A 20 YEAR OLD COLLEGE BOY. SHIRLEY COMFORTS CARMINE'S BROKEN HEART.

Carmine: You're getting married tonight, right?

Shirley: Yeah.

Carmine: You know, that walter Meeney's a lucky guy.

THEY BOTH LOOKED AT EACH OTHER. SHIRLEY LEANED OVER AND KISSED CARMINE ON THE LIPS.

Shirley: I don't know why I didn't marry you when I had the chance.

Carmine: Well, you'll have someone in a couple of hours.

Shirley: Carmine, let me ask you a question. If I wasn't marrying Walter Meeney, would you marry me?

Carmine: Yeah. I love you, Angel Face. I want to make you happy.

Shirley: Hmmm. I think I have an idea that will make us both happy.

CUTS TO:

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Scene 5

EXT. VA HOSPITAL - EVENING

INT. WAITING ROOM

LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY ARE DRESSED IN HOSPITAL GOWNS. SHIRLEY WAITS FOR WALTER TO ENTER. WHEN HE DOES, LAVERNE SEE'S HIM AND FAINTS. WALTER IS PUT IN THE HOSPITAL ROOM. LAVERNE TAKES HER PLACE NEXT. THEN SHIRLEY WALKS DOWN THE ISLE WITH FRANK De FAZIO.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY'S APARTMENT-PRESENT DAY

Laverne: Wait, Shirl. Are you trying to tell me that Walter is actually...

Shirley: Yes, Laverne.

Laverne: But Walter was tall, Carmine's short.

Shirley: 6 inch platforms, Laverne.

Laverne: Well that doesn't explain Carmine's attendance at the wedding. I have pictures, you know.

Shirley: I owe all that to Lenny and Squiggy. About a week before my engagement, Lenny and Squiggy introduced me to this actor named, Eddie. It's amazing, Laverne. He looks just like Carmine. I didn't believe it wasn't Carmine till I saw his driver's liciece. So, after the whole thing with Walter, the napkins you printed and Carmine's girlfriend, I called up Eddie and had him play Carmine for 10 bucks at the VA Hospital.

Laverne: Wait a minute. Carmine was over here yesterday.

Shirley: That was Eddie!

Laverne: Then where's Carmine?

Shirley: Outside the door.

LAVERNE WENT TO THE DOOR AND OPENED IT. THERE HE STOOD IN BLACK, WITH HIS HAT TIPPED TO ONE SIDE.

Carmine: Hi, Laverne.

Laverne: You're tall.

Carmine: Just platforms, Laverne.

SHIRLEY RAN TO HIM AND KISSED HIM.

Laverne: So, this was your big secret, huh?

Shirley: (smiling) Surprise!

Laverne: Do you know what I think about your big surprise? (SHIRLEY'S SMILE WEAKENS) I think... that it's the best news I've heard all day.

SHIRLEY SMILED, CUDDLED CARMINE, THEN SHE HUGGED LAVERNE.

Laverne: Tell me one thing. are we gonna be roomies again?

Shirley: Yes, Laverne. 

LENNY AND SQUIGGY ENTERED WITH EDDIE.

Squiggy: Carmine has to... (SEES THE REAL CARMINE)...Hell-o! Uh, you probably wondering...uh, you tell them, Len.

Lenny: Well, you see...

Shirley: It's okay, boys. Laverne knows the whole story.

Squiggy: Well, is that a load off our feet. (TO LENNY) Come, Len. Let's go make a t.v. show. we'll see you tomorrow, Eddie.

LENNY AND SQUIGGY EXIT.

Eddie: Hi.

Shirley: Eddie, this is Laverne De Fazio. Laverne, this is Eddie...

Eddie: Mekka. I'm an actor.

Laverne: Are you the same actor Lenny and Squiggy were talking about earlier?

Eddie: Yes. I'm signed with Squiggnowski Talent agency. I'm going to be in a situation comedy called, "Lavinia and Carlotta." I'm playing "Carlos," Carlotta's longtime boyfriend.

Laverne: It's nice to meet you, Eddie.

Eddie: You know, you look a lot like my co-star.

Laverne: Really, who?

Eddie: Penny Marshall.

Laverne: Oh. I never heard of her.

Shirley: (smiling) Do I remind you of anyone?

Eddie: Now that I think of it, you do do look like my on and off screen romance.

Shirley: And who's that?

Eddie: Cindy Williams.

Shirley: I never heard of her.

Eddie: Here's a snap shot. (PULLS A PICTURE OUT OF HIS WALLET) There she is. Isn't she something?

Shirley: She's...GORGEOUS!! (SIGH) TO think, I know a soon-to-be star too...etc.

SHIRLEY CONTINUES ON.

Laverne: There goes that balloon!

FADE OUT.

THE END

   [1]: mailto:Feeney082@gurlmail.com



End file.
